11 things I am really getting sick of hearing

"Just relax."

So, it's my fault, huh?  Relax?! Why didn't I think of that??? You are obviously a fertility genius.  All I have to do is relax... And all this time I thought my doctor knew what he was talking about. You are the 1,000th person to ever say this to me, and I hate it just as much.

"Don't give up, it will happen."

Do you know how painful this one is? I don't think you do.  You telling me that it will happen is just a reminder that there is a significant chance that it won't.  Thanks for that.  You're a peach.

"Isn't that really expensive?"

Yes, it is. While we are on the topic of money, how much was your car? What do you pay in rent? How much do you make?  A little too invasive? Oh, sorry.  Unless you are offering a donation, I really don't want to discuss my finances with you.

"Are you sure you want kids?"

No, I'm not sure.  Your kid is acting out you turn to me to ask that asinine comment? I've been going through all of this even though I might not be sure.  Trust me, I know all the bad that comes with the good of a baby. 

"I know someone who went through this..."

You are trying to make me feel better by pointing out someone else's pain.  This is not helpful at all.  I don't care that your hair dresser's neighbor went through 6 rounds of IVF before it worked.  Now all I can think about is multiple rounds of IVF, jerk.

"You could just adopt"

Just adopt? Oh yes, I will go down to the baby store and pick out a kid tomorrow after work.  Do you think we haven't thought of this? Why would you think that this is a better choice than having my own biological child?  Don't bring it up again.

"How many are you going to put back up there?"

Why do you care so much? First of all, this isn't even up to me. Do you think I am going to put 10 embryos in there? Get a clue.

"Are you going to be like Octomom?"

Yes.  That is exactly who I am striving to be.  Obviously you get me, lets keep this conversation going.

"You're thinking about it too much"

I am sure that my ovaries can hear my thoughts and are plotting against me. What would you like me to think about instead?  Oh, your friend got a surprise pregnancy because they weren't thinking about it? Please, tell me more...

"So, is this going to be a test-tube baby?"

You ignorant slut.  Why don't you do yourself a favor and google it.  I don't even have words.

"I hope there isn't a mix up at the lab"

You don't think I am already worried about that? I have read the horror stories about IVF mix ups.  Great.  Now I am panicking about having an Asian baby... not that there's anything wrong with that.